Favorite Quotes

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.
        --Pastor Martin

Let others lead small lives, but not you.
Let others argue over small things, but not you.
Let others cry over small hurts, but not you.
Let others leave their futures in someone else's hands, but not you.
        --Jim Rohn

I really don't have time to look back.

You know the world's gone mad when:

1) the best rapper is a white guy,
2) the best golfer is a black guy,
3) the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
4) the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
5) France is accusing the USA of arrogance, and
6) the Germans don't want to go to war!

Terminal Patient

On a gloomy morning, a doctor was visiting her patients at the hospital as usual. One patient who looked rather pale asked the doctor: "Doctor, no one wants to tell me what my illness is all about. Could you please be frank with me and tell me what’s wrong with me?" The doctor said: "The survival rate of your type of illness is one out of ten. However, there is no need for you to worry about it because previous nine patients of mime died and you are the tenth and thus should survive."

Johnny's Test
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.  "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."

"So, everyone knows that he was the first president."

"Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put 'Abraham Lincoln' and so did you."

"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.

"Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'  Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."

Modern Day Noah
It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States.  The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.

I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."

We must never forget that there is more to education than merely acquiring knowledge.  Knowledge by and of itself is not enough.  Haim Ginotts's challenge states it eloquently:  On the first day in the new school year all teachers in one private school received the following note from the principal:

Dear Teachers,
I am a survivor of a concentration camp.  My eyes saw what no man should witness:  Gas chambers built by learned engineers.  Children poisoned by educated physicians.  Infants killed by trained nurses.  Women and babies shot and burned by high school and college graduates.  So, I am suspicious of education.  My request is that teachers help students become human.  Your efforts must never produce learned monsters, skilled psychopaths, educated Eichmanns.  Reading, writing, arithmetic are important only if they serve to make our children more humane.
    --Arthur and Christine Roberts, "Curricular Reform," National Forum, the Phi Kappa Phi Journal, 67 (Summer
       1987), 2-4.  Quotation from p. 3

Dear Ann Landers:  My brother hates his boss and everyone he works with and talks about them constantly.  I recall a quote in your column by Elbert Hubbard that had to do with company loyalty.  Please run it again - I Read You in Chattanooga

Dear Chat:  Here It Is; "If you growl, condemn, and eternally find fault, resign your position, and when you are on the outside, damn to your heart's content.  But so long as you are part of the institution, do not criticize it or the first high wind that comes along will blow you away and you will never know why."
   --Ann Landers Column

He who carefully listens, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of the best requisites of man.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.
    -Alphonse Karr

Without courage there is no truth; without truth there is no virtue.
    -Sir Walter Scott

Avoid angry, abrasive persons.  They are generally vengeful.

Word of Wisdom
Between antagonists there can be no winner unless there is also a loser.  When there is a community of interest everybody can win.
    --Mobile United

Mr. Bernstein says that words ending in the suffix "-ics" (acoustics, politics, tactics, gymnastics, etc.) are regarded as either singular or plural, depending on meaning.  When the word is being treated as a subject or science, it is construed as singular.  For example, tactics is among subjects taught at West Point.  When the word denotes practical activities or qualities, it is construed as plural.  For example, the tactics of the Battle of Gettysburg are studied at West Point.  Incidentally, economics is almost always construed as singular, perhaps because it is difficult to think of it in the sense of practical activities.
    --Mr. Bernstein

Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must.....but Don't You Quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow...
You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out...
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt...
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may seem near when it seems far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit...
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

For All Those Born Before 1945
We are survivors!  The Print Shop of Gulf Shores reminds us of the many changes that we have witnessed:

We were before television, before penicillin, before polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses, frisbees, and the pill.  We were before radar, credit cards, laser beams, and ballpoint pens; before pantyhose, dishwashers, dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, and before man walked on the moon!

We got married first and then lived together.  How quaint can you be?

In our times, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of", bunnies were small rabbits - and rabbits were not volkswagens, designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeanne, and having a meaningful relationship meant getting along will with our cousins.  We thought fast food was what you ate during lent, and outer space was the back of the local theater!

We were before house-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers, and computer marriages.  We were before day care centers, group therapy and nursing homes.  We never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt, and the guys wearing earrings.  For us, time-sharing meant togetherness - not computers or condominiums; a chip meant a piece of wood; hardware meant hardware; and software wasn't even a word.

In 1940, "Made in Japan" mean junk and pizzas, McDonald's and instant coffee were unheard of.  In our days, pot was something you cooked in, coke was a cold drink, AIDS were helpers in the principal's office.  We were before the sex change, we made do with what we had, and were the last generation that was so dumb as to think you needed a husband to have a baby.
    --Print Shop of Gulf Shores

last updated on May 23, 2008